The "why" behind the fat

My journey didn't start off because I wanted to be a supermodel. I know...shocking, right? It started because I went to the doctor to adjust my insulin settings and was told that my cholesterol was high. Um...I'm 34. I don't need another issue on top of what I currently deal with everyday.

She wanted to put me on medication to lower it and I refused. I didn't want to be on another medication. For once, I wanted to be able to control that portion of my life. I can't control the fact that my pancreas shat out on me when was I was barely five. I can't control the fact that I will always have to take insulin to stay alive. What I can control is what I put into my body and how I take care of it.

Needless to say, that got me thinking and started on this whole process of a "healthier" me.

So...I recently read an article about "why" people are fat. Which in turn...prompted my topic for today.

So many people in our society are apt to blame it on the fact that we eat out too much, roll through the McDonald's drive-through because we have to be in 10 places at once, or that we are just a lazy society that doesn't care about our health.

In my humble opinion, I believe that those are contributing factors as to why people are overweight, but that those factors don't really define the "why".

I'll be the first to admit....when I started this journey, I was roughly 35-50 pounds overweight. My BMI told me that I was OBESE (what an ugly word). And by the way...I hate the BMI. I mean...it tells me that my ideal weight is between 105-119 pounds. Um...could you imagaine? Tits on a stick. Gross!

So here's the big question...how did I get that comfortable and that heavy?  I can tell you that it wasn't from stuffing my grill with HoHos morning, noon and night (I HATE those things!). 

My weight gain was the slow, silent stalker of boredom eating, two pregnancies and the occasional emotional binge.

It wasn't that I was making bad food choices at every meal. For me, it was those moments in life, when I could barely breathe and would stuff a PB Twix in my mouth (or in my case four - who doesn't get the King size?) because at that particular moment, those four pieces of peanut butter and chocolate deliciousness made me feel better. Then I would try on clothes, have nothing fit, feel bad, have a DEFCON meltdown in my closet and then soothe myself with a bowl of ice cream. Okay...not really on the ice cream part - I HATE ice cream. But I would binge and eat everything else.

Or how about the non-emotional binge when everything is all unicorns and glitter and you just eat becasue you're bored. This is my real struggle. I could just eat lunch and still be thinking about what I'm going to eat next, when and how much. Boredom is my trigger for overeating.

I don't know. All of this probably doesn't make sense to the skinny minnies out there that just don't understand why people eat when they aren't hungry. But...I'd be willing to bet that most of you that are reading this right now are nodding you head and thinking, "Been there, done that, wrote the book."

So this is what I know. I didn't get this way over night. Getting healthy, changing my attitude towards myself and not being my own worst critic isn't going to change over night either. To say that I've learned a lot about "me" in this whole process is an understatement.

Maybe, just maybe, you have learned a little from this post too.

Feed Me: I'm Cranky

What a day...and it's only the middle of the week.

It's horrible to think (and even say), but my tolerance for stupidity is at an all time low. So...instead of getting incredibly snarky, I've decided to utilize my inherent sense of whit and sarcasm to combat the idiots that I run into everyday - because beating the shit out of people is illegal.

In all honesty, I hope that my lunch will stabalize my sugar and I'll get nicer as this post continues. Wishful thinking.

So...my weigh-in was today. Apparently I didn't get the memo that I don't rock all the time. Hmm...wonder who picked that one up?

Needless to say, I gained .8 pounds this week. Truth be told, I think that grumpy pants behind the counter needs to calibrate her scale - again.

I don't think that it would have bothered me so much if a little compassion was involved. I hate the "Oh...but you had a great week - last week." It's like the comments that people make when they say, "Wow. You've lost a lot of weight. You look fantastic!" Um....really?! Did I look horrible before?

I know that people are trying to be nice, but come on. I know what I looked like 23 ever-loving fluffy pounds ago - I don't need the reminder!

So...instead of festering (like I would really like to do), I'm going to put it behind me and move on.

Here's to a new week....full of unicorns and glitter.

Holy Hotness, Dees!

So...I don't do "before & after" pictures. I never want to see myself as the fat girl - I saw that my entire life. That's why I didn't take a picture of myself when I started this journey. As crazy as it sounds...I wish that I would have now.

Last Friday, I was surprised with a shopping trip to buy new clothes that fit my ever changing body. If you know me, you know that I HATE surprises. Fortunately, this one rocked. :)

Anyway. My whole goal was to buy a pair of pants that actually fit. I've jumped a few sizes within the past 16 weeks and things just don't fit well anymore. So...I asked the sales lady for a size 8 - black, bootcut pants. She said that they didn't have any and asked if I could squeeze into a size 6.

I have to admit - I kind of freaked out. I know that my new skinny jeans were a size 6, but I didn't really think that I was actually that size. I thought that it was a fluke.

So...once I was in the dressing room, I tried on these size 6 pants, skirt and a few tops. Come to my surprise, they fit - perfectly. I got a few tops in a size M and one in a size S. Um....what?!?! I've NEVER been a size S. Pretty sure that Hell froze over at that exact moment.

Anyway...I posted my new "half way there" shot on Facebook yesterday. I don't know what I was really expecting, but the positivity was completely overwhelming. Here's my shot -

While I'm excited to be able to see my transformation paying off, I feel like I kind of look like Dolly Parton in this picture. If I lose any more weight from my mid section, I might be too top heavy and topple over. lol

So with that I mind, I'll say that my weigh-in today was awesome. After maintaining my weight last week, I lost another 2.6 pounds this week - bringing my total to -23.8 pounds. Yay!

While I have a little bit more to go, this transformation has not only changed my body, but it has completely changed my perspective. Being hot isn't all about my body or my appearance...it's about taking control of my life and making those necessary changes that are going to set me up for success in the future.

Plateau = Motivation

So...here we are. Weigh-in day.

I have to admit...I'm kind of addicted to Wednesday's. I like seeing the progress that I'm making on a weekly basis. It's fun to watch the scale move in the direction that I want it to. Unfortunately, that didn't happen this week. I know...I know. It's a plateau...it's to be expected.

Well...I'm pissed. I guess that's the great thing about being stubborn - I have the ability to turn a potentially negative quality into something positive.

So...how am I going to do that? First of all...I'm going to kick this week's ass.

That includes not eating (or drinking) all of my extra points, really starting to exercise (more than once a week) and truly paying attention to the type of groceries that I'm putting away (and I'm not talking about putting food in the pantry either).

My goal is to get out and ride my bike this week. When you see my bike, you'll know that I'm not trying to be the next Lance Armstrong. lol.

I'll definitely be "that mom" when I hook the bike trailer up to the back of it and pack the babes up and set off on a cruise of our neighborhood. But...if that's what it takes to help me reach my goals...then so be it.

So while I may not have gained weight this week, I did gain a little bit of momentum and motivation in order to really buckle down this week and make my efforts pay off. After all - I'm totally worth it!

I was that girl

A few weeks ago, I was sitting in my WW meeting - listening to our leader. She was talking about how she can tell when someone has lost weight. Their shirt is tucked into their pants and their belt shows.

I never really thought about it in those terms. I never tuck my shirt in and I hardly ever wear a belt. I mean really...what's the point? My hips and stomach have always kept my pants where they needed to be.

So it struck me completely out of the blue last week while I was preparing for a lunch meeting. I was meeting a reporter for lunch to discuss upcoming media opportunities. I went to the bathroom before I left the building and had that "Ah-ha!" moment.

I couldn't go out looking like a complete slob. My shirt was way too big and my pants...well, that's a whole other story. Since losing my ass, all of my pants fit weird in the seat and legs.

Anyway...I digress. Back to my story.

I immediately tucked in my button down shirt - exposing my belt. I know...random. I wore a belt that day. It was amazing to see that transormation in the mirror. I looked...pulled together. You could see the definition in my waist. You could even see that my belt was on the very last notch. It actually took me a minute to realize that all of the hard work that I've been putting into my transformation has actually started to come to fruition.

Needless to say...I bought my first pair of size 8 work pants that week. Here's what's even more incredible. My girlfriend owns a resale boutique - Kelly Lane Boutique. All of her clothing is to die for! If you are in the area, you should totally check her out!

Anyway. Back to incredible. So...my skinny jeans that I received at Christmas aren't so skinny anymore. They are really baggy and look horrible. I went to Kelly's on Saturday and tried on the skinny jeans that she had in her shop. For the first time in God knows how long, I tried on a size 6...AND they fit!!! Hallelujah!!!

I stepped outside of the dressing room and asked Kelly if they looked okay. I mean, really. The last time that I was a size 6 was when I was 12 years old.

Needless to say, those Citizens for Humanity skinny jeans looked amazing and they came home with me. So did the size 6 Old Navy skinny jeans. lol.

While this road definitely hasn't been easy, I'm starting to see the pay offs. It's not about clothes or new shoes. It's about transforming my attitude towards eating and most importantly...myself. I keep reminding myself that I am worth it and that I can do this.

So...here's to a stellar week of not only meeting my goals, but finally being able to be a little bit kinder to myself. Because I AM WORTH IT!!

For the first time....

...in a long time, I finally noticed a difference in the way that I look and feel. Thank God! I was beginning to worry that I wasting my money. lol

On Monday, I got up and dressed for work like any typical day. I put on my black pants and my bright green button down shirt. I thought that my pants seemed a little bit looser than normal, so I put a belt on and ran out the door.

I did my thing at the office and by 10:00, I had to pee something fierce. And that's when I noticed it. I was washing my hands and looked up to check myself out. I was a complete disaster! My pants were too big, the butt was completely sagging, and I could have fit another person into my shirt! The fashionista was gone and was replace by some frumpy chick staring back at me!

I immediately tucked my shirt into my pants and it pulled me together more than what I was when I walked into the bathroom. Unfortunately, there was nothing that I could do about my pants hanging on my body.

When I got home, I did the unthinkable...I put on a pair of size 10 pants. I cringed at the thought. I mean, up until now, I haven't noticed a difference. To my pleasant surprise, those pants didn't really fit either! So I panicked! What in the hell was I going to wear to work on Tuesday? I obviously couldn't go in naked...wouldn't want to start a riot!

So Tuesday morning, I carefully slid into a pair of black dress pants that I haven't worn in about forever. They were a size 8 and I kept my eyes closed the whole time. When they buttoned...and zipped...easily, I opened my eyes and looked in the mirror. I couldn't believe it.

They actually fit and looked good.

A lot of people seem to think that this whole transformation is easy for me. It's not. I love food. I eat when I'm bored. I eat when I'm not hungry. I eat just to eat. However, I feel like I've made some sort of transformation over these past 13 weeks. I feel like I finally have a healthy relationship with food.

Now, don't get me wrong. I am totally vain and can admit it. I want to look and feel incredible for the first time in my life. Plus, I might also want to wear a bikini this summer. I haven't worn one since I was 7 and I'm pretty sure that I want to do it just once.

So as of today, I have lost 19.6 pounds. I've been trying to put that into perspective and this is what I found:

Can you believe that I have lost that giant glob of shit on the bottom of the shelf? Holy Toledo!

So with that in mind...I'm outtie! xoxo

What's my anchor?

Everybody has something that they anchor themselves to in order to get them through. It's funny, because that was the topic of yesterday's meeting. My leader held up a ceramic figurine of a scrappy puppy drinking out of a water bowl. Tad bit odd, but it reminded her of her Grandmother - one of the strongest women she knew.

While I find that to be completely heart felt and super sweet, I have to admit that my anchor is a little bit more selfishly trendy. lol.

I have a thing for shoes. Shocking right? I decided when I started this journey that for every 10 pounds that I lost, I would do something fabulous for myself. In my mind, that means that for every 10 pounds that I lose, I get a new pair of shoes!

I didn't buy a pair when I lost my first 10. I had a moment of clarity and decided that I should probably wait. Well...that didn't last too long. A few weeks ago I reach the 15 pound mark and bought myself a pair of hot pink cork wedges. I have to admit...they are pretty bad ass. And they make my looks look amazing. ;)

So this week I lost another two pounds! Yay me, right?! I'm officially down 18 pounds and am only two pounds away from reaching another milestone. Although I decided that I'm going to hold off on my next shoe purchase until I hit the 25 pound mark. That is a pretty significant milestone in WW and by that point, I'm going to need a new pair of Sperry's to get me through the summer.

So with 12 more pounds to go, I can totally see the end in sight. Here's to achieving those milestones and getting a few new pairs of killer heels in the process!